Before you know it time has passed and you are older and is wondering where has the time gone. You are wondering who the person is in the other room if you are married or have lived with a significant other for some time. Well, that is where I am—I am so lost. What am I suppose to do that my daughter is about to leave in about six weeks to go to college. I have submitted my resume to a number of leads that I feel that will be promising. I miss the life I thought I could have, but never really happen. I wanted a mate to go away for the weekends or just have a nice dinner, but his never happened. In two decades I have watched over 100 volleyball and basketball games, attended over 50 dance recitals and award programs without any support from my other half. It didn’t bother me, but I know it affected the kids because some of the kids thought they never had a father. I am so glad they had the strength and wisdom to not let that hamper their success. They preserved and always took the high road.  I’m glad I was there, but I somehow felt so unappreciative. There were never any surprise birthday parties, no big anniversaries. Everyday was the same as yesterday. No boo hoo because I did what I was suppose to—-be here to insure the kids make it and succeed in life and accomplish more than myself. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get—I quote.

Well, it has been awhile since my last posting. Both daughters have graduated, one from college and one from high school. Now, all the celebration is over I wonder what my next move will be. I spent the last 20 years focusing my attention on my kids to make sure they had the best foundation possible to be successful in life. Now, that they are on track it is time for me to concentrate on what will make me happy. I must admit it is a little scary and intimidating since it has been sometime since I stepped out of my comfort zone. I feel it is now or never. I took the plunge and sent out my resume to possible job opportunities and I have heard from two of the three jobs. I need to try something else to feel fulfilled. I don’t know where the time has gone—-My plan is to make sure the younger daughter is on campus this fall and ready to go. I feel there is nothing else for me here since both my parents are gone and my sister has retired. My next move is to locate employment about 3hours away. I never realized how lonely I am even when there is someone else in the other room. Now, here I am before I know it my kids are all gone and here I am lonely and looking for real happiness. I am happy in the sense of being appreciative for my life and family, but on the other hand there is still something missing in my life. My hope is that before I know it my total happiness will become a reality.

A friend once told me when my kids were young “before you know it”—I really didnt give her a chance to finish her sentence I just responded back—BEFORE I KNOW WHAT! It was such a difficult time I was coping with the demands of work and my growing family. That ended the conversation abruptly. Now here I am two decades later with my last child about to graduate from high school and I truly understand what she meant. Before you know it your kids are gone and have begun lives of their own. What once felt like an eternity now feels like the clock is ticking so fast that I can’t keep up. As I sat in the audience and watch my daughter collect her scholarships and academic awards a feeling of sadness overcame me because in less than a week she will officially graduate from high school. What made me smile was her happiness and the pride she displayed after the event. Even strangers came up and congratulated her which made her feel like a “celebrity.” On the way home she was amazed at the awards she recieved. We will celebrate this weekend when her two sisters arrive in the next couple of days. My work is cut out for the next couple of days—planning the party and of course getting through graduation. Pray for me.